


When the bough breaks

by Dissenter



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Bad Decisions, Canonical Attempted Suicide, Conan is not very good at it., Even though it's not entirely his fault, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Haibara is in a bad place, Hattori is not a very good liar, He's just waiting for that detective brat to dare show his face in the city again, Mouri has a shotgun, Parenthood, Ran is an excellent parent, Ran is the scariest mother bear ever, Shinichi is in so much trouble, Shinichi isn't doing so well, Shinichi tries, Shopping, Single Parents, Sonoko is an excellent friend, Sonoko is terrifying, Teen Pregnancy, but is somewhat hampered by being six years old, looking after them is like herding cats, the detective boys have a mission, they will not be thwarted, through the most traditional methods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-21 06:39:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11351952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dissenter/pseuds/Dissenter
Summary: Shinichi and Ran had been dating for a few months before tropical land happened. Ran had been planning to use that date to tell him she was pregnant. Things didn't work out that way.





	1. Shinichi

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday, Shinichi thought he'd hit rock bottom after getting himself, de-aged, forced into hiding, and nearly killed. Now, now he's found out his girlfriend is pregnant, and he can't even tell her who he really is. This is rock bottom.

Shinichi wasn’t sure exactly why he ended up at Agasa Hakase’s door at two in the morning, except that there was no-one else. Agasa was no-one’s idea of emotional support, but there was no-one else and he needed _someone._ That was probably the moment he truly understood how very alone in the world he was.

To his credit Agasa had let him in without a word and offered him the coffee no-one else would let him drink. Shinichi held it but didn’t drink it, taking what comfort he could from the warmth of the cup in his hands, breathing in its scent, while his stomach was too twisted up to tolerate drinking it.

It was strange, he’d come to talk but when it came to it he found that all his words had dried up. He felt numb, the storm of emotions he’d struggled to contain earlier now replaced by a hollow feeling, like his soul had been scoured clean. It turned out there was only so much a human heart culd feel before it shut down in self defence.

It took a while to be able to speak, and when he did, it was cold, blank, factual.

“Ran’s pregnant.” He said, in the same tone of voice he used to pronounce murder victims dead at the scene. Blank, because if he let himself feel everything he should be feeling he might just fall apart. Agasa’s eyes widened but he said nothing. Just sat there with Shinichi as the coffee went cold in their hands. By the time Shinichi spoke again it was undrinkable, even if Shinichi had been able to swallow past the lump in his throat.

“Fuck. It’s just so fucking messed up.” He slammed the coffee mug back down on the table jerking Agasa out of the half doze he’d drifted into. “I’ve left her alone with this. I didn’t know, and I was _stupid,_ and now I’m… like this, and I’ve left her _alone_ with this.” He laughed then bitter and abrupt. “You know I once swore I’d do better than my parents. That I’d _be there_ for any child of mine.”

“The baby is yours then?” Shinichi nodded roughly.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s, I dunno, maybe a few weeks along. Early anyway. We slipped up a couple times with birth control. It didn’t seem important at the time.” He couldn’t start crying, not when he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stop. It took several breaths before he felt able to continue.

“She said she had something important to tell me. The other day at tropical land. She said she had something important to talk to me about, and I promised to talk to her later and I ran off after those men, and now it’s all gone to hell.” He tried to smile, he didn’t think it was working. “I should have stayed. Fuck I should have stayed. It shouldn’t be like this.” He took a deep breath, in and out, in and out, before continuing in a voice almost too small to hear. “I would have married her you know. Not just because she’s pregnant. I would have married her because I wanted to be with her forever. And I would have been there for the baby. Even if she didn’t want to get married, even if she broke up with me. I would have stayed, I am staying, but I’’m not myself and it’s not the same. It’s not _right,_ and Ran thinks of me as just another kid to care for, not someone who’s there to support her. Shit, how did things get so messed up so quickly.”

“If there’s anything I can…” Agasa tried to offer. Shinichi laughed again, it wasn’t a pleasant sound.

“You know how I found out. Ran said that she “had a baby growing in her tummy” and if I stayed for long enough I’d get to meet them. Ran said that I was such a sweet child, and I’d be a good Nii san for the baby when it arrived. She told me like I was a stranger and I had to pretend it didn’t really matter. I had to smile and say yes of course and act like it was nothing to do with me. Had to pretend I didn’t really understand what it meant. Fuck, my kid’s going to grow up calling me brother, not Tousan. How am I supposed to feel about that? How am I supposed to face Ran everyday knowing that she thinks I’ve abandoned her, that she thinks I’m not there? That she thinks I don’t even know about our kid. Or worse that she thinks I deduced it and ran away.” He was on the edge of hysteria, he knew the signs but he couldn’t seem to calm himself. “I’m supposed to be a dad and I’m stuck in the body of a _six year old_. What am I supposed to do about that? What could _anyone_ do about that?”

“Would telling Ran the truth make it easier?” Agasa asked softly, cutting through Shinichi’s rising panic. Shinichi slumped back into his chair with a sigh.

“Maybe, I don’t know. Knowing this happened, I’m not sure whether it would stress her more than thinking I’m just being an inconsiderate bastard. She’s afraid for me I know, but I don’t think knowing the truth would make her _less_ afraid. Not with what we’re facing.”

“I meant would it make it easier for you? Ran’s not the only one under stress here, she wouldn’t want you to destroy yourself trying to keep her safe.” Agasa might not be the best with emotional support, but he was kind. Kindness could compensate for a lot of faulty people skills, and Shinichi felt distantly grateful for that kindness.

“Doesn’t matter really either way.” Shinichi replied quietly, “Ran is a terrible liar, and anyone looking to check if Kudo Shinichi is really dead would go to her first. If they thought she knew something…” There was no need to finish that sentence, they both knew the danger, and saying it out loud felt too much like tempting fate.

“So then. What will you do?”

“I’ll keep going. Trying to find a cure, stop those guys, and come home to her. I’ll lie to her, and pretend to be a little kid, and hope that she forgives me when all of this is done.” He tried for another smile, weak but still an improvement on his earlier attempts. “What else can I do?”


	2. Sonoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran is too nice to be properly angry at Shinichi for ditching her. That's ok. Sonoko can be plenty angry for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Sonoko is scary when the people she cares about are upset, Ran is too nice for her own good, Conan is not a very convincing six year old, and Shinichi is in for a whole world of trouble when Sonoko finds him.

Shinichi, Sonoko decided as she watched her best friend bravely trying to hold back tears, had a _lot_ to answer for. Of course Ran wasn’t angry with him, she was _far_ too nice a person to be angry with him. That was fine, Sonoko could be plenty angry enough for both of them.

They were sitting at a café, just the two of them, and it hurt to see Ran trying so hard to be brave. Part of Sonoko knew it wasn’t entirely Shinichi’s fault. According to Ran he didn’t even know about the baby, so it wasn’t like he’d intentionally abandoned her. No he was just being his usual inconsiderate, case obsessed self. Sonoko wasn’t even surprised at this point. Of course he’d gone off to chase after some lead, and missed the very important conversation Ran was trying to have with him. For a genius he could be astonishingly dense.

But Ran was pregnant, and her boyfriend, the baby’s father, was nowhere in sight, and _someone_ had to be angry with him about it. Ran couldn’t, too busy being worried, being sad, just trying to keep it together, and Sonoko was her _best friend,_ it was her job to be angry on Ran’s behalf. Although Sonoko suspected Ran’s father would be pretty angry himself when Ran told him. Probably better not to let him actually find Shinichi until he’d had a chance to calm down. After all Shinichi’s head on a spike and her father in prison for homicide wouldn’t help Ran at all.

Sonoko had been the first person Ran told. Not Shinichi, certainly not her father. It had been Sonoko, who got her the pregnancy tests to be sure, and Sonoko that hugged her when she looked about ready to panic. It hadn’t been something she expected from Ran. If she was honest she’d rather expected their positions to be reversed. Ran had always been the responsible one. But then, Sonoko took irresponsibility seriously, and a baby was one responsibility she’d been _very_ anxious to avoid. She was _not_ ready for motherhood, and so she’d been _careful_ about contraception. Apparently Ran had been less careful. That was ok. Whatever Ran decided Sonoko was there to support her.

Shinichi had a hell of a lot to answer for though. Because Ran didn’t want to make any decisions without consulting him and he was _nowhere_ to be found. Sonoko suppressed the nagging worry that the reason they couldn’t find him was because something bad had happened. Ran was already worried enough for both of them. Shinichi was _fine,_ swanning off on cases like nothing was happening. It was Ran that needed help, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

So they were sitting in the café, and Ran was looking less heartbreakingly worried, which was good, but more lonely, which was bad. Apparently Shinichi had called, which meant he was alive, but he wouldn’t be coming home for a while, which meant Ran was left dealing with this alone. Sonoko felt the irresistible urge to _punch_ Shinichi, in the _nose._ What the _fuck._ Seriously, what could be more important than his pregnant girlfriend?

Oh yeah. Shinichi _still_ didn’t know about that part, because Ran had some weird aversion to telling him over the phone. Seriously, if he’d wanted to be told in person he should actually try showing his face around here. But no, Ran said some news had to be shared in person, so Shinichi was still in the dark. At least he’d _better_ be in the dark, if he’d used his freaky deduction skills to figure out Ran was pregnant, and then done a runner, well… Sonoko might not be a genius detective but her family had more money than God, she was sure she could _pay_ someone to hide the body where no-one would ever find it.

In any case, Shinichi was nowhere to be found, and so Ran had to make a decision alone. Sonoko wished she could say she was surprised when Ran decided to keep the baby. She suspected that fear for Shinichi played more of a part in that choice than Ran would ever admit. Sonoko had known Ran since they were still playing with dollies, she knew how Ran’s mind worked. Shinichi had been gone without a word for a week, and it had been a chilling reminder that his work could be dangerous, and he _still_ wasn’t safe at home. Sonoko would be a lot happier if she didn’t know that Ran wanted to keep the baby, at least in part because she wanted something of Shinichi to keep in case he never came home.

Of course there were other factors. Ran had always been a little… well enthusiastic about motherhood. She liked kids, she liked looking after kids. See exhibit a) random creepy six year old mini-Shinichi that for some reason moved in with her. It might be a bit earlier than she’d _planned_ to have one of her own, but honestly Sonoko had seen this coming when they were all five years old. Ran was always going to have babies, it was always going to be with Shinichi, really the only thing off was the timing.

The mini-Shinichi was creepy though. Ran didn’t see it, partly because she was high on pregnancy hormones, Sonoko assumed. But also because Ran had always had a regrettable blind spot when it came to small and cute things, and an even more regrettable blind spot when it came to things related to Shinichi. Sonoko assumed the kid was related to Shinichi, otherwise the creepy factor started to move into full on horror movie doppleganger territory, the resemblance was just too uncanny. But whatever Ran might think, the brat was creepy, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. He was like a mini-Shinichi yes, but not like Shinichi himself had been at that age. Shinichi had been a _very_ smart kid, but he had been a _kid._ Conan, sometimes he didn’t act like a kid at _all._

Sonoko wasn’t going to say anything though because he made Ran happy, and served as a useful distraction from Shinichi’s absence, and provided a certain amount of practice opportunities for when the baby arrived. Hopefully he’d  be a competent babysitter as well if he stuck around that long (and it didn’t look as though he was going anywhere soon), although the look of rising panic in his eyes when Ran told him she was going to have a baby suggested otherwise.

Come to think of it, the timing of Conan’s arrival was altogether too suspicious. He was Shinichi’s relative, presumably Shinichi had known he was coming, and yet he’d run off into the sunset without so much as a word. Oh hell no. Shinichi _had_ run off and left Ran with a kid, just not the one Sonoko had been thinking about. He didn’t know about Ran being pregnant, but he sure as hell knew about Conan. Conan had presumably come to live with him, and instead of manning up, he’d run off and left him with Ran. That _coward._ Sonoko was going to find him and drag him back by his _ear._

The question was how to find him. Sonoko was no detective, and she knew Shinichi knew how to cover his tracks. This was no job for an amateur. Luckily Sonoko’s family were rich. She could afford to hire a professional. Now, who was the best detective in Japan that _wasn’t_ Shinichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sonoko is actually pretty observant regarding the whole Conan/Shinichi thing, it's just that in the circumstances deadbeat relative Shinichi comes to mind a lot quicker than mad science de-aging drug.  
> Sonoko is actually pretty worried about Shinichi, but she's refusing to acknowledge it because there's not much she can do about it and Ran deserves to have someone being properly indignant on her behalf.  
> I still haven't decided whether Sonoko sets Hakuba or Hattori on Shinichi.


	3. Ran

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran isn't sure she's ever felt so young, but she can't afford to let it how because if she doesn't remember to be the adult, no-one else will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ran is worried, about Shinichi, and Conan, and the baby, and a hundred other things she should be too young to be worrying about.

Ran couldn’t remember ever feeling so alone. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so young, and yet, now of all times she didn’t dare show it. She was an adult now, in everything but fact. She had to be the adult because god knew her father wouldn’t be, never had been. That was a truth she’d come to terms with when she was eight years old, when her mother had left and she’d had to learn to cook dinner because otherwise she and her father would be living on cheap takeaway, when she’d had to learn to do the laundry the hard way because otherwise it wouldn’t be done.

She could do the adult thing, that was nothing new, nothing she couldn’t manage. But the thought of doing it alone made her want to cry. Because there had always been Shinichi, and he’d always understood. Had known about packing his own lunch, and enforcing his own bedtimes, and coming home to an empty home. About parents who knew how to love, but not how to be responsible. All those days when it had seemed like too much to face, and he’d just sat with her in quiet understanding.

When the rest of their classmates were still children, still knew their parents would look after them, in a thousand tiny ways they took for granted, Ran knew that she would have to look after her father because he wouldn’t take care of himself. Just like Shinichi knew that his parent’s loved him, but he couldn’t ever rely on them, because sometimes they’d sweep in and fix everything, and sometimes they’d leave him alone with his troubles, and there was no way to know which it would be, day to day, week to week. And that was ok, because Shinichi was there, and he understood, and they supported each other when it all got too much. And now when she needed him most he’d vanished into the aether.

She loved Sonoko to pieces, she did. She was a good friend, the best. She was the first person she’d turned to when she’d realised she was in love with Shinichi, the one she’d asked for help when she’d realised she was pregnant. But there were things that Sonoko didn’t understand, that she didn’t really want Sonoko to understand. And so with Shinichi gone she was alone. Alone with her father and a six year old child to try and care for, and didn’t it say something that her father needed more supervision than Conan did. Alone with a baby that Shinichi didn’t know she was carrying.

She was alone and she was afraid. Because she knew what Sonoko suspected, that Shinichi had left because he didn’t want to have to look after Conan, but Ran _knew_ Shinichi wouldn’t have run. He wouldn’t have left her to cope on her own. Shinichi had disappeared off the face of the earth that day at tropical land, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad had happened.

There had been phone calls, and she tried to take comfort from that, from the evidence that Shinichi was still alive, but she was a detective’s daughter, she knew phone calls could be faked and she couldn’t shake the insidious thought. What if Shinichi was dead? She didn’t dare voice it, not even to Sonoko who she told nearly everything, but she couldn’t dismiss it either because it wasn’t like Shinichi to vanish without a word, not when he said he’d be there, not when he _knew_ she needed him, and maybe he didn’t know about the baby but he knew there was _something_ important to tell him.

And then there was Conan, and wasn’t he a mystery. A dead ringer for Shinichi at that age with eyes far too old for his face, how could she turn him away? He claimed Shinichi was his relative and probably he was, they looked too much alike for anything else. He claimed Shinichi had taught him deduction as well, and it didn’t ring quite like a lie, but Shinichi had never so much as mentioned him, and she thought he would, if they were as close as Conan implied. Then again, she knew how lonely and isolated children would cling to the slightest hint of attention, and Conan was a loney child, she could see that much in his eyes. Maybe it was just that. Conan projecting what he wanted from an older brother figure onto the relative he’d come to live with.

That was what she assumed the plan had been at least, it was what made the most sense when she disregarded Agasa’s unconvincing attempts to claim he was meant to be looking after Conan. And that was yet another sign that something was wrong, because she knew Shinichi wouldn’t have abandoned a child left in his care. The one thing he’d never wanted was to be like his parents. But for some reason he’d left Conan, and he’d left her, and there was a cold feeling in her chest that told her that whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

But admitting her fears felt too much like ill wishing, like tempting fate. There were a hundred and one things to do so she buried herself in making sure Conan was properly enrolled in school, and her father actually did his work, and letting Sonoko drag her through the shops looking for baby things. She still hadn’t figured out to tell her father without causing some form of deeply embarrassing public outburst, but she would have to work something out before it became obvious, and then there was working out what would happen with school when the baby was born, and where the extra money was going to come from, and where the baby would sleep when it got older. Conan was sharing with her father, and she knew well enough that was only a temporary measure at best. The flat just wasn’t built for four people.

She wasn’t sure what she’d do without Sonoko. Sonoko had known she was worried about money and had said that it would be an insult to her position as godmother if Ran didn’t let her help with that side of things. She was rich enough it made no difference to her, she’d said, and what kind of godmother let her darling godchild want for anything. Ran had tried to put up a token protest, but Sonoko was stubborn, and she was right, and Ran didn’t really have the will to fight her. Sonoko went with her to doctor’s appointments, and went baby shopping with her, and Ran knew she’d secretly hired a detective to try and find out what had happened to Shinichi. Sonoko might be flighty sometimes, but when it really mattered she was there, solid as a rock.

She could do this. She could hold it together. She could take care of Conan, and keep her father on track, and when Shinichi came home she’d be waiting. It would all be fine. It would have to be fine because she was an adult, with adult responsibilities and she didn’t have the luxury of falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've thought about it, and next chapter is going to be Hattori. Sonoko hired him and asked him to keep it secret.  
> And both Shinichi's and Ran's parent's mean well, but i've never gotten the impression from the show that any of them are really responsible adults. Ran is the most responsible adult in Shinichi/Conan's life and I thought that really ought to show through.


	4. Kogoro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kogoro is not an idiot. That detective brat knocked up his daughter, and Ran isn't as good a liar as she thinks she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Mouri plots a shotgun wedding, and tries not to worry about his obnoxious future son in law. Also Conan is a creepy child, and he hopes his grandchild takes after Ran.

Mouri Kogoro was not an idiot. Ok so maybe he drank a little too much, and had a tendency to jump to conclusions. Maybe he was washed up as a detective, but he wasn’t so washed up he couldn’t tell that, his daughter was keeping secrets from him. He’d seen her up late on the phone to that Sonoko girl. He’d noticed the way her eyes were often red, as though she’d been crying when he wasn’t looking. And then there was the suspicious change in her reading material. Parenting guides for crying out loud. He admitted it could just be about the freeloader, but if it was then why was she acting so secretive about the whole thing, she kept hiding them inside the dust covers of other books, and she wouldn’t be trying to cover it up if there wasn’t something she didn’t want him to know. He was not an idiot. He _knew_ Ran was keeping secrets, and he _knew_ what they were. He knew how this one went, he’d been to the parents assemblies the school held three times a year every year since the kids first started discovering hormones. The ones about drugs, bullying, and underaged pregnancies, and he was a detective, Ran would have to be a _lot_ more careful if she wanted to keep this secret from him. He found the _packets_ of the pregnancy tests she’d been using in the bin. Ran was _not_ one of nature’s great liars.

Ran was pregnant, and he knew _exactly_ who was to blame. He was going to have _words_ with Kudo Shinichi, preferably accompanied by a loaded shotgun. When that detective brat showed up again, he’d _better_ be prepared to do right by Kogoro’s daughter, because Kogoro had been a detective long enough to know how to hide a body where _no-one_ would ever find it. He did wonder though, where the hell was that detective brat. He assumed the boy didn’t know Ran was pregnant, because if he did know, and he’d run off and left her holding the baby, well he’d only be able to murder the brat if that Sonoko girl didn’t get to him first. Say what you like about that girl, she was a loyal friend. Kudo didn’t strike him as stupid enough to provoke that girl’s wrath intentionally.

The pregnancy hormones were definitely having an effect on Ran though. He really couldn’t think of any good explanation for the freeloader other than Ran’s mothering instincts kicking into overdrive. He honestly didn’t know what the kid was doing living at his house. In fact he wasn’t entirely clear on where the kid had come from, except that he was _somehow_ related to that Shinichi brat. Which… actually explained a lot about why Ran was so keen to take him in, small children that looked like Shinichi were probably triggering every maternal instinct she had at this point, considering whose baby she was carrying. It still didn’t explain _where_ he’d come from though, he didn’t remember the brat having any especially close relatives that age and the kid was a spitting image, far too much so to be just a distant relative. Maybe the brat’s parents had another kid and forgot to tell anyone, they’d always been the irresponsible type. Didn’t explain the different last name though.

Honestly though, where Conan came from was one of the less mysterious things about that brat. He was honestly more concerned at just _how_ the brat kept turning up in the middle of crime scenes, and _why_ he felt the need to poke at the dead bodies rather than do what sensible, _normal_ kids would do and scream. It was more than a little creepy, he hoped Ran’s baby wasn’t like that. He didn’t think the world could survive another one. Still he reassured himself, the baby was half Ran’s, so it had a better than average chance of turning out to be sensible. Well aside from the appalling taste in men, but he could live with that, if it meant his grandchild didn’t spend most of their time hanging out at crime scenes.

Oh god he was far too young to be a grandfather. It was enough to drive a man to drink. He aid as much to Megure keibu, who’d turned pale and choked a bit when he told him Ran was going to have Kudo Shinichi’s baby.  He’d then wandered off muttering about Shinigami, and cursed genetics and how he wasn’t equipped to deal with this. Kogoro wasn’t paying all that much attention, too focused on his own woes.

Time passed and Shinichi still failed to appear, and Kogoro was starting to get worried. Ran’s pregnancy was becoming increasingly obvious to those who knew to look for it, and _still_ the detective brat didn’t know about the pregnancy. It had been… longer than Kogoro liked, since anyone had any contact with Kudo except over the phone. He’d asked around quietly, and _no-one_ had seen him, and years of police experience whispered at him that it had been long enough to worry. The father of his daughter’s child, his most likely future son in law had seemingly vanished off the face of the earth, and Kogoro didn’t like it. He didn’t like the way it made Ran cry, he didn’t like the thought that Ran might already be a single mother and just not know it yet, he didn’t like the thought that the kid he’d seen grow up, obnoxious, and overconfident, but honest where it mattered, might have died with no-one realising.

He didn’t like those thoughts so he refused to think about them. It was a strategy that had served him well and he saw no need to change it now, so he focused on how he was going to smuggle a highly illegal shotgun into his office without getting caught, and exactly how long he was going to shout at that Shinichi brat when he finally dared show his face around there again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is a bit more worried about Shinichi in this AU because they have a very important reason to be thinking about where he might be. Also because he hasn't dared even fake showing up in person, for fear Ran will formally tell him about the baby. As long as he doesn't officially know about the baby, he can get away with not being around. If they know he knows about the baby and still isn't there, then questions will be asked.  
> Megure is having horrible thoughts of Mouri's shingami tendencies combined with Shinichi's, and feeling the need for a stiff drink.


	5. Heiji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heiji has been hired to track down his rival. His rival is apparently in a lot of trouble. In more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Sonoko hires Heiji to find Shinichi. Shinichi makes an accidental reappearance and just barely gets away with it, and Heiji is curious.

When the heiress of the Suzuki corporation had contacted him with a case, he hadn’t really known what to expect. It could have been anything really, but he certainly hadn’t expected what she told him. Kudo Shinichi was missing, and she wanted Heiji to find him.

Now that he came to think about it, it had been a few weeks since Kudo’s name had showed up in the papers. But still, if he really was missing, surely there would be an investigation. Kudo was a minor celebrity, it would be big news if he disappeared, and yet there had been nothing in the papers, or on the TV. And Heiji would have _noticed_ if there had. He kept track of his rival.

But according to Suzuki han, Kudo hadn’t been seen in weeks. He hadn’t been at school, he hadn’t met up with his girlfriend, his house had been left empty. He was just _gone._ It was all very suspicious. If it weren’t for the phone calls, Heiji would be tempted to class this disappearance as a possible murder.

But there had been phone calls, apparently. At least to the girlfriend. Apparently Kudo claimed to be on a case, and too busy to meet up with her, but that he was fine and she didn’t need to worry about him. The phone calls would seem to indicate that Kudo was at least alive, and not being held captive somewhere.

But if he was fine then where was he? What kind of case could warrant him just up and disappearing without any warning for weeks? A few days maybe, Heiji knew how easy it was to get caught up in a case, and just lose track of time, but weeks? Where was he even sleeping? Because Heiji had gone to Kudo’s house, and seen no evidence that he’d been home. There was something seriously fishy about the whole situation. He grinned, it looked like it would be an interesting case.

…

He expected that the girlfriend, Mouri Ran might know more about the situation. According to Suzuki she had been the last person to see him in person, and was the only person he’d been in contact with since. And, there was something else too. He wasn’t sure what it was, but he was reasonably sure that she was the reason Suzuki was so determined to find Kudo. Or at least part of it. Kudo was her friend as well, that much was obvious, and underneath the exasperation and the anger, there was a trace of genuine worry.

He had never disappeared like this before she’d said. Not without some kind of warning, not for so long. He’d never taken so long to solve any case that she could remember. Ran was worried about him she said. Carefully didn’t say that she was worried too. And angry at him for making her worry. But clearly she was suppressing her own concerns in favour of worrying about Mouri han, and that, in itself was interesting.

Suzuki had been… forceful in her insistence that he not upset Mouri unnecessarily when he questioned her, and the edge to her voice when she talked about Kudo in relation to Mouri told him that there was something else going on. Something to do with Kudo’s relationship with his girlfriend, something Suzuki was unwilling to discuss with him. Something important.

…

There were really only two probable explanations for why Kudo hadn’t asked about his girlfriend’s wellbeing during his phonecalls. Not that Heiji was willing to share the second one. Because either Kudo had some way of keeping tabs on his girlfriend, or the person calling wasn’t Kudo and therefore had no interest in Mouri’s situation, and if the person calling was an imposter that meant Kudo was most likely dead. He had a feeling that telling Mouri that without being pretty damn certain it was the truth, would count as upsetting her unnecessarily.

Not that telling her Kudo was probably spying on her, had gone down particularly well either. Her reaction was a little odd actually. She seemed more _hurt_ than angry, if he’d done something like that to Kazuha, she’d have been _furious._

“But if Shinichi’s been watching me then he must know. Why didn’t he come back?” She said, and there it was again, there was definitely something going on with Mouri, something that she and Suzuki didn’t think Kudo knew about. Something that, if Kudo did know about it, should have got some kind of reaction. Heiji filed that away under relevant details.

…

Then he got caught up in another case, and maybe got a little distracted. Well he did right up until the point that Kudo suddenly appeared in the middle of the case. That was unexpected. Given how completely Kudo had disappeared, it seemed like an odd thing for him to do. The deduction show, though, that was as expected, Kudo was every bit as brilliant as reports indicated.

Honestly though the odd details about Kudo, and his disappearance just kept building up. From his request to Megure Keibu, to keep his name out of the case files, it seemed that he wasn’t just missing, he was hiding, from what Heiji couldn’t say, but whatever it was he seemed to be trying very hard to keep other people from getting involved. Kudo was obviously in some kind of trouble, and when he disappeared again he left Heiji with more questions than answers.

At least he now knew Kudo wasn’t dead, though how much longer that would hold true for, he didn’t know. Something was _wrong_ with Kudo, physically. Something that he didn’t want people to know about, something serious, judging by his reactions. Yet another piece of the puzzle.

He didn’t like the look on Mouri’s face when Kudo had disappeared again though. Hurt, and afraid, and lonely.

“He left again. I didn’t have time to tell him.” She spoke softly, one hand resting over her belly, and one of the pieces finally into place. Kudo’s girlfriend was pregnant. And she hadn’t had a chance to tell him yet. That explained Suzuki’s anger, Mouri’s loneliness. Heiji wondered if Kudo knew. Just because he hadn’t been told, didn’t mean he hadn’t deduced it. He hoped he hadn’t. Heiji didn’t like to think his rival was the sort of person who would knowingly abandon his pregnant girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiji now knows about the baby. He doesn't know about Conan yet. Ran knows Sonoko hired Heiji, but she didn't bother to tell Conan, so Conan doesn't know that Heiji is actively looking for him rather than just curious.  
> Back to Shinichi's POV next chapter.


	6. Shinichi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran on the rampage is terrifying. But Shinichi would choose that any day over Ran in tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pregnancy hormones catch up to Ran, and Shinichi hates himself more than a bit.

For once, Shinichi found himself intensely grateful Ran didn’t know he and Conan were the same person. An angry Ran was a terrifying Ran, and since she’d quit karate this week because of the baby, her usual stress relief outlet was no longer open to her. He and her father were definitely suffering for that fact, he shuddered to think what she’d do if she knew he was responsible for her current condition.

He and Kogoro ojisan were currently huddled behind Kogoro’s desk in the detective agency while she went on a rampage aimed mostly at ojisan’s bad habits, but with a fairly solid sideline in ranting about Shinichi’s detective obsessed idiocy, and Conan’s idiocy in imitating him, and damn Shinichi anyway for getting her pregnant, she’d been looking _forward_ to that karate tournament, and _why_ the _hell_ couldn’t her father clean up his own empty bottles, if he was going to be a drunken slob he could at least have the decency to tidy up after himself.

They both winced as yet another empty bottle hit the bin with the sound of shattering glass. Apparently there was no way her baby was going to be born into this den of iniquity, and that translated into a terrifyingly violent cleaning spree, combined with a rant on the moral failings of all the men in her life.

He supposed he and Ojisan shared responsibility for this one. Kogoro had been the one that set her off, by being a little too blatant about his latest gambling spree that morning, but this rampage had been building since Ran had to quit karate. He’d been able to _see_ the frustration growing. And since he was indirectly responsible for her having to quit, well, he wasn’t going to shy away from his responsibility.

The two of them _had_ offered to help with the cleanup, initially, in an attempt to placate her. But the _look_ she’d given them had made it clear their interference was unwanted. Judging by content of the shouting, and the generalised, mess directed violence, she had decided that she was the only competent person in the world and she didn’t need them getting in the way and messing things up again. At that point they’d looked at each other and taken an executive decision to get the hell out of her way.

He was just wondering if calling Sonoko to calm her down was a coward’s move, when she suddenly sat down in the middle of the half tidied floor and burst into tears. Shinichi really wasn’t sure how to handle that. She’d been so levelheaded for the first few weeks, he hadn’t been expecting these kind of mood swings. He’d heard pregnancy hormones could be unpredictable, but he really hadn’t expected this. He may have panicked slightly, and carried on hiding. He felt marginally justified in the fact that Kogoro ojisan was still hiding with him.

Then he heard what she was crying about and he felt like utter scum. She was crying about _him._ Shinichi him, not Conan him. About the fact that she didn’t know where he was, or even if he really was alive, about the fact that he didn’t know he was going to be a father. She was crying because she didn’t know if her child still had a father, and it was all his fault. If, just for once, he’d put her before his curiosity, then he wouldn’t be in this situation, he would be there in his own body, comforting her, providing support, not leaving her alone with questions he couldn’t afford to answer.

Shinichi couldn’t be there for her, and that bit deep, right to the bone. Shinichi couldn’t be there but Conan could, he _owed_ her that much, even if the lie of it _burned_ ice cold in his chest. So he ducked out from behind the desk, he went over to her and he wrapped his arms around her. He tried not to think about how his arms should have reached all the way around her shoulders, tried to focus instead on the warmth of her, on her heartbeat steady even as she sobbed.

“It’ll be ok Ran nee-chan don’t cry. Shinichi nii-chan is being an idiot, but he’ll be fine. And I’m here, and Sonoko nee-chan, and Ojisan, and we’re all here for you, so don’t cry. There’s nothing to worry about.” The words were like cold lead in his mouth, and a part of him wanted to cry because it wasn’t ok, and he still wasn’t sure how to _make_ it ok. But he held back his tears, he didn’t get to cry. Not when all of this was his fault. Not when Ran was in tears because of him. He didn’t have a _right_ to cry about this.

His words, or maybe the physical contact, helped at least, for what it was worth. Because the tears died down and she managed to paste a painfully fake smile back onto her face and pull herself back together.

“Why don’t we go and get ice-cream Conan-kun.” She said, and he was at least perceptive enough to see that it was more what _she_ needed than what she thought he did. So he pretended enthusiasm and went with it. The ice cream tasted mostly of ashes, but Ran was smiling again, so he forced it down, and smiled back, and was painfully grateful that she seemed to have trouble recognising lies from his younger self. Maybe because he’d never lied much to her when they were truly six years old. He’d been a painfully honest child, the first time around. How ironic that he now lived and breathed lies.

He did what he could, and it was so far short of what he owed her he could barely think about it. She stayed up late that night on the phone to Sonoko. It was a good thing, it was. She needed someone who could be there for her, and thanks to his own stupidity that person couldn’t be him. He tried not to see it as yet another sign of failure. He mostly failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ran starts out on a cleaning rampage interspersed with shouting about pretty much everyone except Sonoko. Mostly because she's frustrated about having to quit karate until the baby is born, because contact sports are probably a bad idea when pregnant.  
> Then it all catches up to her and she breaks down in tears for a bit. Pregnancy hormones combined with the stress of the situation. I think if anyone has earned the right to have a bit of a cry at this point it's her.  
> Shinichi is really not coping well. The self hatred is getting a bit out of control.


	7. Sonoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retail therapy fixes everything. As long as dead bodies don't show up in the middle of the shopping trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ran needs cheering up, and Sonoko has a plan.

Sonoko had dragged Ran out baby shopping, in an attempt to cheer her up. She’d not been doing well lately, to say the least. Pregnancy hormones, and Shinichi’s disappearance had really done a number on her mood. She kept smiling a horrible fragile smile that never quite managed to be real, and staring sadly into space when she thought no one was looking. It was painful to watch, and it was Sonoko’s duty as best friend and future godmother, to do what she could to help.

Having a baby was after all supposed to be a _happy_ occasion, bundle of joy, and excitement and anticipation, and Sonoko _refused_ to let Shinichi spoil it for Ran, with his stupid, selfish disappearance. Ran was _going_ to _enjoy_ he impending motherhood. Sonoko just needed to remind her of all the good things about having a baby.

So they were out shopping for cutesy outfits, and story books, and ice-cream, and talking about how cute the baby would be when it arrived, whether it would look like Ran or Shinichi, or both. They found the most adorable miniature karate outfit that she couldn’t wait to dress her godchild up in. It was fun. Sonoko would admit she took a certain amount of sadistic satisfaction in dragging the glasses brat along with them. She wondered if that made her a bad person. It wasn’t the kid’s fault he looked so much like Shinichi. But then again he _was_ pretty annoying in his own right, so Sonoko figured he had it coming. Besides, the brat needed some new clothes himself, and since they were already on a shopping spree… Seriously, what kind of six year old willingly wears a bow tie?

Her plan was working. It was working really well, Ran had been smiling and relaxed in a way Sonoko hadn’t seen in _weeks,_ and she hadn’t wondered aloud about Shinichi once. She was _happy._ Of course, that’s when the dead body showed up. Typical. Sonoko was starting to wonder if they should all go and see an exorcist or something, because seriously. Every time they tried to do something nice, without fail, someone would get murdered.

And there went the glasses brat. Also typical. Running _towards_ the crime scene not away. There was something very wrong with that kid. Just like Shinichi. Sonoko really, really hoped the baby took after Ran. The world needed more Rans, Sonoko wasn’t at all sure it could handle any more Shinichis.

It could have been worse. The murder was tied up relatively quickly, and at least there wasn’t too much overt mess around the corpse, so as inconvenient crime scenes went, Sonoko would really only rate it a three out of ten. And wasn’t that sad, that she was now actually capable of giving murders am unpleasantness rating. Exorcist, definitely. If Shinichi ever showed up again he was coming too, along with Kogoro ojisama, and those little kids the glasses brat hung out with. They could make it a fun outing for all the family, as long as the exorcist didn’t get murdered upon their arrival.

After all that Sonoko felt the need for more ice-cream to settle her nerves, so she dragged Ran back to the ice-cream stand. Ran was of course miserable again. Not just because seeing a dead body was enough to spoil anyone’s day, but because the dead body, and Conan crawling all over the crime scene, and just the whole situation really, had reminded her of Shinichi, and now she was brooding about his whereabouts and safety again.

“So have you started thinking about names for the baby yet?” If in doubt, try for a distraction. Something nice and upbeat. Sonoko _refused_ to let Ran go home feeling worse than she had when they left.

“Well, not really. I didn’t want to decide anything without Shinichi.” Clearly the distraction failed. Ran looked more gloomy than ever. But there was another problem with that statement which Sonoko _had_ to address.

“You are _not_ letting Kudo Shinichi name my godchild.” Sonoko thought she did an admirable job keeping her voice calm. Judging by the reactions of the people on the nearby tables they didn’t necessarily agree.

“Well, it is his child you know.” Ran pointed out, sensibly.

“Kudo Shinichi. Kudo, I called my goldfish Mycroft and thought I was being clever, Shinichi. I don’t care if he _is_ the father, if you love your child do _not_ let him name them. They’ll end up with a stupid name like Watson, or Sherlock, and then they will be _eaten alive_ by the other kids.” It would happen. Sonoko _knew_ Shinichi, nearly as well as Ran did, and Shinichi’s track record with naming things was truly appalling. She wondered idly if he’d had any part in his cousin’s naming. Conan was after all, _exactly_ the kind of name Shinichi would think up.

“Conan seems to do ok.” And clearly she wasn’t the only one to make the connection. At least subconsciously, Ran saw it too.

“And I have _no_ idea how that works, but hey, normal logic doesn’t apply to that glasses brat anyway. You won’t get lucky a second time. Do _not_ let Shinichi name the baby, they wil hate you forverif you do.” Ran looked about to speak, Sonoko just put her hand up. “No. It’s a _bad plan_ and you know it.”

“Well I can’t just not let him have a say. He is the father, he should have at least _some_ input.” Sonoko sighed, and offered a compromise.

“Come up with a shortlist and let him pick the one he likes from it. That should keep anything really terrible out of the running.” Damage limitation. Of more than one kind I she was completely honest. Sonoko left unsaid that if Shinichi _didn’t_ come back, it would be good to have the options ready so they could choose without him. It wasn’t something it would be helpful to remind Ran of, even if it _was_ a possibility. From the looks of it Ran hadn’t picked up on that particulat concern. Good. Crisis averted for now. Ran was happy again. How long that would hold, Sonoko really didn’t know.

Sonoko really hoped Hattori san made some headway on Shinichi’s location soon. She wasn’t sure how long she could keep holding Ran together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sonoko. She's kind of long suffering in this fic. She is definitely going to strangle Shinichi when she finds him though.  
> She is pretty excited to be a godmother though.


	8. Eri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eri's daughter is pregnant. The fact that she is one of the last to hear says things she isn't entirely comfortable with about their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Kogoro tells Eri about the baby, and Eri has a lot of thinking to do about her failures as a parent.

It was strange, uncomfortably unfamiliar, speaking to Kogoro like this. No petty sniping, no angry words to cover hurt feelings and the weight of history. Just his voice on the other end of the line, sober, and serious.

Pregnant. Their daughter was pregnant, and seventeen, and alone, and she half _wished_ Kogoro would use it as a petty point scoring opportunity, would try to blame her, because at least then she’d know how to react. Then it would become an argument, and she would be right and he would be wrong, and they would be so busy tossing stones at each other that the complexities of the situation would melt away like frost at dawn.

But for once he was being an adult, for once the conversation wasn’t about him, or her, or the two of them, or any of the many many mistakes they’d made. It was about Ran, and a mistake _she’d_ made, and now they were in unscripted territory. Ran had always been so responsible, so adult, so reliable. So easy to take for granted. She didn’t _make_ mistakes. Not like this one, not the kind that could turn a life upside down.

But for all Ran’s maturity and self-sufficiency, a self-sufficiency that Eri could, in her more self-aware moments admit was at least partly a consequence of her and Kogoro’s immaturity, she was still a teenager. Still a seventeen year old girl, short on life experience and high on hormones. She cursed herself and Kogoro both for being too self-absorbed to remember that.

Now her daughter was pregnant at seventeen and it wasn’t Eri she had turned to for support. It wasn’t Kogoro either and if this had been the time or place for scoring points she might have been glad of that, but instead all she felt was sad. Somewhere along the line she had let her daughter down, she had failed to be the mother her daughter needed, and now she didn’t even hear about her grandchild until everyone else her daughter knew had already been told.

A grandchild. Eri was torn between guilt, and disappointment, and worry. But there was also a fluttering feeling in her chest that resembled nothing so much as joy and excitement. She forced that spark to the surface, allowed it to bury all the rest of it because whatever the circumstances children deserved to be good news. Her guilt, her disappointment wouldn’t help the situation any, and Eri was far too practical to waste energy indulging in unhelpful emotions. Besides, she might be _far_ too young to be a grandmother but that didn’t mean she wasn’t happy to have a grandchild. A cute little baby to spoil and show off to her co-workers.

Honestly she’d probably make a better grandmother than she ever did a mother. She’d always been good at being there financially, at making sporadic grand gestures of affection, it was the day to day grind of parenting that had worn away at her patience. Parenthood meant a shift in mindset, meant no longer being the centre of your own world and that was something Eri had never quite managed. It burned more than a little that Kogoro was better at that than she was. For all his other failings, he wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything for Ran’s sake, to try and make her happy, even if he grumbled the whole time he was doing it. That was after all the whole reason why that little kid who looked like Shinichi kun was now living with them, because Ran wanted him and so Kogoro made it happen, no matter how inconvenient he found the situation.

Fuck it always came back to Kogoro. She couldn’t live with him, she couldn’t let go, and she _wished_ she could hate him, hate might be less bitter than this twisted love laced with resentment and old hurt. And now between the two of them they’d fucked up, badly enough that it wasn’t either of them that Ran went to when she realised she was pregnant. She’d gone to the Suzuki girl, for every crisis, every decision, every significant moment, and the worst thing was Eri couldn’t blame her.

There was something wrong though. Beyond hers and Kogoro’s parental failings and Ran’s young age. Eri wasn’t stupid and it didn’t take a deductive genius to work out who the father must be. Kudo Shinichi should have been hovering over her daughter like a demented mother hen, complete with fluttering and squawking at surprises. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t anywhere, and no-one had seen him, and Eri was a good enough lawyer to read the worry in the things people didn’t say, would barely even allow themselves to think.

Too many people were worried, and Eri had seen enough in the course of her career to know that meant nothing good. It was entirely possible her grandchild would never know his father, that Shinichi kun was dead, that he would never come home. She had seen too much to be anything but cynical about the possibilities. But she wasn’t cruel enough to break the unspoken agreement of silence on the subject, to say out loud the things that everyone was trying so hard not to think. Some things were best left unsaid, for the sake of everyone still clinging to hope.

She could see the sorrow,the worry, the hurt in her daughter’s eyes when she thought of her boyfriend, utterly different to the hurt Eri carried in her own eyes when she made the mistake of thinking about Kogoro. No this wasn’t a hurt of too much water under the bridge, too much said and unsaid, too much pride and too little patience. This was a hurt all tangled up in fear, this was a knowledge that either something had happened, or there was no reason for her love to have left her alone in the dark. This was not being sure which would be better. If Kudo Shinichi was alive he had better have a damn good explanation for putting that look in her daughter’s eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think maybe Hattori again next chapter, followed by Shinichi. That should advance the plot a bit.


	9. Heiji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudo was in over his head. That much had been obvious from the very beginning of the investigation. Heiji hadn't realised quite how bad the situation was though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Heiji finds out Shinichi's secret and has to make a decision, and Shinichi hadn't realised how much he needed someone to use his real name.

In some ways, Heiji supposed it was really only fitting that it would be Kudo Shinichi that would provide the mystery he just couldn’t solve. Every time he thought he had a lead it disappeared into a dead end. It was as though his rival had just vanished off the face of the earth. All but those phone calls, and that utterly random appearance at the beginning of Heiji’s investigation.

Of course Kudo _was_ a detective, and anyone who specialised in noticing other people’s tracks knew how to over their own, but that still left the burning question of _why._ On the surface there was an obvious explanation for that, of course. A missing teenage boy, a pregnant girlfriend, there was an obvious conclusion to be drawn.

But Heiji hadn’t become a great detective by just accepting the obvious answers. Because as a story it made sense, except that it fit with _none_ of what he’d been able to find out about Kudo Shinichi’s character. If nothing else the poorly suppressed fear of his friends and acquaintances told Heiji that running from a crisis was out of character. No-one really believed he would vanish for no reason, not even the people who didn’t really approve of him, and that told Heiji a lot about the sort of person Kudo was.

And by all accounts Kudo loved the Mouri girl, even the girl’s father reluctantly admitted it, in amongst the dire threats and aggravation. She had been friends with him since childhood, and Heiji couldn’t imagine anyone just abandoning someone who meant that much to them without a word. He certainly knew he wouldn’t do that to Kazuha, he might panic and disappear for a few days, but he wouldn’t _stay_ away, he wouldn’t be able to, and Mouri was clearly as important to Kudo as Kazuha was to him.

No there was definitely something more going on than a simple domestic drama, and it was proving almost impossible to pin down. Trying to track what Kudo might be doing wasn’t working. Maybe he needed a new approach.

He’d found Kudo the first time not by identifying whatever twisted shadow game Kudo had got himself caught up in, but by showing up in the life Kudo _should_ have been living. By meeting his girlfriend and solving a case in his city, and generally intruding on what would have been Kudo’s normal routine, if he hadn’t been missing. So maybe, to find him again, he should try doing the same thing again.

The Holmes convention was like a sign from above. Kudo was well known to have a Holmes obsession. Even if he didn’t actually show up, the convention might give Heiji some more insight into his thought processes. The fact that it turned out Kudo’s girlfriend was also going was a bonus.

…

There was nothing quite like being proved right. He’d been right. Kudo had showed up. Although not in a way Heiji would ever have expected before he put a thousand little clues together and came up with an impossibility.

He should have noticed the first time they met actually, exactly how suspiciously bright that little kid was, but he’d been distracted, trying to track down a full grown Kudo, and small kids weren’t _usually_ worth paying much attention to. This time though it was impossible to ignore. The kid was too sharp, noticed too many things that _everyone_ else missed, and when he forgot himself, he didn’t really act like a little kid at all.

Then he pulled that stunt with the tranquiliser dart and a whole lot of things suddenly started making a lot more sense. Starting with the Sleeping Kogoro. And so while he was pretending to be unconscious Heiji put together the fact that Edogawa Conan was the one solving the sleeping Kogoro’s cases, that the Sleeping Kogoro phenomenon had started pretty much immediately after Kudo’s disappearance, and the fact that when he thought about it Edogawa Conan looked a _lot_ like a de-aged version of Kudo Shinichi.

And the more he thought about it the more it seemed to fit. The way he never asked after his girlfriend’s health, because of course, he already knew, he was _living_ with her, the way he seemed to have completely disappeared into thin air, because he was hiding in plain sight. The look in Edogawa, no _Kudo’s_ eyes when he was reminded about the baby.

Well, it looked like he’d solved the case Suzuki han had set him. He’d found Kudo. Professionalism said he should report back to her, and let her decide what to do with the truth, assuming she even believed him. Although he suspected she would, there was too much evidence there once you knew what to look for.

But there was more to this case, it didn’t take a great detective to see that. There was something _bad_ going on, and without knowing what it was, it would be so easy of Heiji to accidentally make things worse for everyone involved. He didn’t want that, he liked Suzuki han and Mouri han, and what he’d managed to see of Kudo, they had enough troubles without Heiji adding to them.

He could just walk away he supposed, but that wasn’t in his nature, never had been. There was no point trying to be something he wasn’t. He was a direct sort of person, so he waited until he could get Kudo alone, and he confronted him. It was almost painful to watch how quickly Kudo folded. Heiji had no idea how Kudo had been able to function dealing with that mess alone, but the sheer relief at being found out, at knowing _someone_ knew the truth, it said nothing good about Kudo’s mental state.

Over the course of that conversation Heiji realised three important things, firstly that Kudo was in way over his head, in more than one way. Secondly, that Heiji could not in good conscience tell Suzuki han the truth, that doing so would break Kudo’s trust, and quite possibly get everyone involved killed. And thirdly, maybe most importantly, that he really wanted to be Kudo’s friend. Because the kind of person who could deal with that kind of mess without crumbling, that was still trying his best in such an impossible situation, was the kind of friend that was well worth holding on to.

Besides, right now if there was ever a person that really needed a friend, it was Kudo. The look in his eyes when Heiji called him by name, by his _real_ name, the _relief,_ as though he’d almost started to doubt anyone would ever call him that again. No-one should look like that over something so simple. But then Heiji thought about it, about how his friends, and his girlfriend, and everyone he knew didn’t see _him_ anymore even when they were looking right at him. He thought about how if the situation continued Kudo’s child might never call him father. If Heiji were in his shoes, looking forward to a future where his own child called him big brother, he would want someone to call him by his real name too. Just to remind him it was still his.

Heiji decided then and there, he didn’t care if it was dangerous, he would call Kudo by name every chance he got. Because it was obvious that calling him Conan cut him deeper than any knife, and Heiji wasn’t going to add to that pain, not when he knew better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heiji and Kazuha aren't actually dating in this (at least not yet), but the childhood friends thing means he can't help but draw parallels between her and Ran. 
> 
> And now we have a reason for Heiji's constant slip ups with Shinichi's name that aren't just that he's a bad liar. He's doing it on purpose because Shinichi needs reassurance that it's still his name and he's still himself. If he's still Shinichi enough for Heiji to forget not to call him Kudo then he hasn't totally lost his real identity.   
> So now Shinichi has a bit more emotional support which is nice. On the other hand Sonoko is going to be deeply suspicious and very annoyed when Heiji tells her he can't solve her case for her. Because convincing, non-suspicious excuses are not Heiji's speciality.


	10. Megure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran's pregnancy and Shinichi's disappearance are hot gossip within the police force. They're more worried than they would like to admit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which the police worry about Shinichi and Ran, Megure worries about the possible creation of a super shinigami, and the Shinchi and Ran situation pushes Sato and Takagi into admitting their feelings.

Mouri Ran was pregnant with Kudo Shinichi’s child. It was big news. Honestly Megure would rather have kept it quiet, out of respect for both teenagers’ privacy, they had enough problems without becoming police gossip. But by this point the rumour had made its way around the whole police precinct, cops gossiped like fishwives when given the slightest opportunity, and this rumour wasn’t the sort Megure could keep a lid on. Both Shinichi kun and Ran kun were too well known amongst the police for news like that not to spread like wildfire.

It was actually a fairly terrifying thought, the combination of those two death attracting bloodlines. It was already almost impossible to investigate a murder in Beika without one of them being somehow caught up in it. Combining the already disturbing shinigami tendencies of both Kudo and Mouri into one child might just cause a mass extinction event. He could only hope they cancelled each other out.

At any rate the unborn baby was a topic of discussion across division one, and he was pretty sure it had already spread to division two, and didn’t seem to be stopping there. It was a scandal no doubt about it, the topic all the more juicy because all parties involved were well known within the department. But there was an underlying note of concern beneath the wild speculation as people asked the one question no-one had a definitive answer for.

Where was Shinichi kun?

If Ran kun was having his child, and Megure had confirmation direct from Mouri kun himself that she was, then Shinichi kun should be there. Megure knew Shinichi kun and he wasn’t the sort of person that would just up and abandon his pregnant girlfriend. That he wasn’t there was… worrying.

That no-one had seen him in over a month, and Megure _had_ checked, that was more than just worrying. He’d breathed a sigh of relief when Shinichi kun had shown up at the scene of that diplomat’s murder. He’d been half afraid he might be dead.

Of course that only left Megure, and the police force as a whole with more questions. What could be so important, that Shinichi kun would leave Ran kun alone to deal with something like this. Did Shinichi kun even know about the baby? Had Ran kun even had a chance to tell him?

Questions questions, and no satisfactory answers. Not just about the unborn baby, but about the kid, Conan kun, who was enough like a miniature version of Shinichi it was eerie. If Megure hadn’t known for _sure_ that Yuusaku and Yukiko didn’t have any other children he would have sworn Conan must be Shinichi’s little brother.

As it was it was uncanny. He even had the same death magnet traits, which was yet another argument in favour of it being a genetic tendency, and therefore another reason to worry about the baby. At least it was fairly obvious why Ran kun was taking care of him. At least to anyone who even vaguely knew her. Conan kun was far too much like Shinichi for Ran to do anything _but_ take care of him, and considering the pregnancy was probably triggering all her maternal instincts, it was hardly surprising she’d all but adopted Shinichi’s little cousin.

Kudo Shinichi’s disappearance and Mouri Ran’s pregnancy had at least had some positive effects though. At least Sato kun and Takagi kun had finally stopped dancing aroung each other. It had been getting painful to watch those two. But clearly something about the situation, had triggered a change. Maybe it was the reminder that life was fragile and time finite, that any day could be the last chance to say it, or maybe the reminder that new life and possibilities could come from taking a chance on love. Either way one of them had said something, and now the constantly building tension had been replaced by a quiet kind of affection that they were careful not to emphasise at work. Megure had won a fair amount of money in the office betting pool over that one.

…

Megure wondered if Yuusaku and Yukiko had been told about their impending grandchild. He suspected maybe not. He didn’t think Ran kun would want to tell Shinichi kun’s parents before she told Shinichi kun, and he was increasingly sure she _hadn’t_ told Shinichi kun. From the way she spoke, the way she was more worried than angry, the way even Mouri kun didn’t seem as angry as he should have been if Shinichi really had deliberately walked out on his pregnant girlfriend. No it seemed like Shinichi kun didn’t know, and as the pregnancy became more and more obvious, it was looking increasingly as though he was going to get a rather sudden surprise when he finally did show his face again.

So Yuusaku and Yukiko didn’t know, or at least didn’t officially know. He didn’t like to speculate on what Yuusaku kun might or might not have figured out on his own, but either way Yuusaku would act as though he didn’t know until someone actually told him. Megure wondered if he should. On the one hand they deserved to know they were going to be grandparents, but on the other, it wasn’t really his news to share. It was a dilemma. In the end he compromised by sending them a message saying they should come home for a few days. If they did come then it would all come out as soon as they spoke with Ran kun, if not then, well he tried, and it was no longer his fault.

If only Shinichi kun were so easy to deal with. Well, the next time he saw that boy he’d do his best to pin him down until Ran kun could talk to him, for both their sakes, because Shinichi kun needed to know, and not having told him was clearly eating Ran kun alive, and he cared enough about both of them to want to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tricky chapter to write, but it seemed like a necessary perspective. I think I might switch back to Sonoko's pov next chapter.


	11. Sonoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran needs someone there for her, and if Shinichi can't get his act together to do it, then Sonoko is more than happy to fill in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ran goes for her first scan, Sonoko worries a lot more than she lets on, and Heiji is not a very convincing liar.

By all rights, Sonoko shouldn’t really have been there. Shinichi should have been the one to take Ran for the scan, to hold her hand when she got her first look at the alien blobby thing that would eventually become a breathing human being. It had actually been sort of surreal. Ran made that, was making a whole other person inside her. Sonoko had known, intellectually where babies came from, she wasn’t an idiot, but the reality of it was still bizarre. Bizarre and kind of awe inspiring, and if Shinichi was too much of an idiot to be there for that moment that was his loss and Sonoko’s gain.

Anyway it was probably better that it was Sonoko not Shinichi there, because Shinichi was an _idiot,_ and would probably have had some kind of emotional crisis at the concrete evidence he was going to be a father. Which would have been amusing to watch but not exactly helpful. Sonoko had a bit more distance from the situation, so she could actually focus on what Ran needed, rather than panicking. And what Ran needed was chocolate ice cream. Lots of chocolate ice cream. Once they were done at the doctor’s Sonoko was only too happy to oblige. It was nice just having a girls day out, Ran had for once left the mini Shinichi behind with Agasa, and her father was wonder of wonders actually at work earning money for once, and Sonoko savoured the moment, just her and Ran relaxing with some ice cream and not a dead body in sight.

Pregnancy suited Ran actually. So far there had been no signs whatsoever of morning sickness, and Ran was _actually_ doing that glowing thing people said pregnant women did. It was awful, Sonoko just _knew_ that when she decided to have babies it would be an utter horror show, with mood swings, back aches, projectile vomiting and just about every other pregnancy side effect known to humanity, Ran on the other hand, got off with a craving for chocolate icecream and a slight alteration in her centre of balance. It just wasn’t fair.

On the other hand Ran had to deal with the whole absent boyfriend issue so Sonoko supposed she deserved a break on the physical symptoms. If _Sonoko_ had been the one to get pregnant she knew Makoto san would have dropped everything to wait on her hand and foot, and Sonoko wouldn’t trade that for any kind of physical respite. Not that she’d say as much to Ran, the poor girl was stressed enough over the whole situation.

Sonoko wondered if a holiday would help with Ran’s stress levels at all. There was a spa that her cousin had recommended, that Sonoko had been meaning to try out. Of course if she invited Ran, that would mean bringing the glasses kid, and Ran’s dad as well, but she was sure they could entertain each other while she and Ran had some girl time. Yes, a weekend holiday might be just the thing.

…

She should have known better. Of course they couldn’t have nice things. They’d been at the spa for all of a couple of hours before someone found a dead body. And then the kid was crawling all over the crime scene, and Ran’s dad was trying to show off, and Ran was just standing at the back looking very sad and lonely, probably thinking about Shinichi, and what he’d have done if he’d been there. Sonoko knew the answer to that one, he’d be doing exactly the same thing as the kid, because those two were creepily similar. She decided it would be unproductive to share that opinion at this point though, and instead she grabbed Ran and dragged her away to get a nice soothing cup of tea. It wasn’t like their presence was actually contributing anything to the investigation, and it would probably all be solved soon anyway. Kogoro Ojisan could corral the brat for once, Ran didn’t need the stress of hanging around the crime scene.

Out of sight of the crime scene, Ran relaxed a bit, still sad, but not fragile the way she had been while looking at the corpse. By the time the tea was finished Ran was smiling again, and they were talking over baby names again. Ran still wanted to give Shinichi a say, Sonoko still thought that was a terrible idea, and they’d both had a couple of suggestions to add to the shortlist. They still weren’t sure if the baby was a boy or a girl, it was too soon to be sure, and in any case Ran wanted it to be a surprise, so they had options for both. Sonoko was hoping a girl to be honest, after all, with Conan, Ran effectively already had a boy, and it would be so much fun to have a goddaughter to buy pretty dresses for.

Ran didn’t mind, whether it was a boy or a girl, she just wanted Shinichi to come home in time to see them born, and the fact that Ran was worried he wouldn’t was setting off all kinds of alarm bells in Sonoko’s head. Shinichi had only been gone a couple of months, and yet Ran was worried he wouldn’t come back before the baby was born. That was worrying, it could just be Ran’s nightmares speaking, but Ran had good intuition and Sonoko found it concerning. Maybe she should check in with that detective boy she hired, see if he’d made any progress.

Sonoko cursed Shinichi again for leaving Ran to worry, for leaving _her_ to worry. Would it kill him to at least explain what the hell it was that was so important he had to disappear off the face of the earth for weeks, with barely a phone call to say he was alive. He’d better have a bloody good excuse when he finally did come home, or she’d get Makoto to hit him for her.

Hattori kun was being difficult. He’d found something, she knew he’d found something. But he’d returned her money, and told her he was quitting the case and she just _knew_ somehow shinichi had got to him. She pushed, but Hattori wouldn’t tell her anything, and that in itself was worrying. Hattori wasn’t the sort of person who’d abandon a case for no reason, he was like Shinichi in that respect, and he wouldn’t let down a client unless something was more important than his professional pride. If Hattori was covering for Shinichi then whatever Shinichi was mixed up in was probably dangerous. Sonoko wondered if it would be worth breaking Ran’s confidence, if sending a message to Shinichi via Hattori would be enough to make him drop it and come home. She didn’t want to, she’d give Shinichi some more time, but if things went on as they were for too much longer, she might have to. Shinichi would be there for her godchild’s birth if she had to drag him in by the ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sonoko is so much fun to write. For so many reasons. And I feel like Ran definately deserves the emotional support.  
> Kazuha should be showing up in the next couple of chapters, as will Ai.


	12. Ayumi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ran oneesan is sad, so the detective boys have a mission. They're going to find Shinichi oniichan so he can cheer her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ayumi just wants to do something nice for Ran, the detective boys are all very hard to divert when they set their minds on something, and Conan is dragged along for the ride.

Conan kun’s Ran neechan was going to have a baby. It was so exciting. Ayumi had always wanted a baby brother or sister. The baby wouldn’t _actually_ be _her_ baby brother or sister of course, but still. After all, they’d be Conan kun’s little sibling, more or less, which would make them a junior member of the detective boys, which meant that in a way, the baby would be a little sibling to _all_ of them.

And she was _sure_ Ran oneesan would let her hold the baby when it was born, and maybe they could play dressup with it. It would be the _best thing ever._

Not everyone agreed of course. Genta kun said it would be annoying and smelly, but he was just being a grouch. Once he met the baby he’d understand. Mitsuhiko kun was actually a bit nervous, but he didn’t argue when Ayumi promised it would be fine, so she was sure it would sort itself out.

Her parents were being a bit weird about it though. They’d smiled and agreed with her when she told them, but later, when they thought she wasn’t looking she thought they looked a bit concerned, and when they were talking to Mitsuhiko kun’s parents the next day she overheard them muttering about “that poor girl”, and “she seemed so sensible”, and “what I want to know is where is the boyfriend in all this, he should be taking responsibility”, Ayumi thought that was a bit unfair, Shinichi oniisan was very responsible, he was away solving a case and stopping crime, he’d be back soon, that was what Ran oneesan said, and Ran oneesan wouldn’t lie to them.

Still, aside from her parents being weird and the boys not being properly enthusiastic, the baby was definitely the best news Ayumi had gotten all week. Sonoko oneesan agreed and said they’d all have to “make sure to spoil the kid rotten when it arrives” which sounded like a lot of fun. Maybe they could teach them to be a detective when they were older, Conan kun would probably like that, and Genta would like being able to boss them around, and Mitsuhiko would like telling them _all_ about science, and Ayumi could tell them all the _best_ games.

Ayumi was very happy, so it was confusing when she saw Ran oneesan looking so sad. They’d been having lunch at Conan kun’s place, and she’d gone into the kitchen to get a glass of water, when she saw Ran oneesan looking like she was about to cry. Ayumi didn’t like it. So she tried to cheer her up.

She asked why she was sad, and Ran oneesan said she was fine, maybe Ayumi was wrong about Ran oneesan not lying to them because that _sounded_ a lot like a lie. Ran oneesan had giggled a bit when she said that so clearly her attempts to cheer her up were working, even if she wasn’t sure why. She told Ayumi that she just missed Shinichi oniisan, and she’d be ok soon. That sounded like less of a lie, but still not completely true, and Ran oneesan looking that sad was just _not_ ok, not when there was a baby coming and everyone should be happy. That was when Ayumi decided. The detective boys had a new mission, they would track down Shinichi oniisan for Ran oneesan, and cheer her up.

Now all she had to do was make sure the rest of the detective boys agreed. Mitsuhiko kun was easy enough to convince. He didn’t like seeing Ran oneesan sad any more than Ayumi did, and Genta kun agreed as soon as she promised they could get food on the way. Conan kun was the sticking point, as usual, he really needed to be more enthusiastic about things sometimes, she’d thought that the motivation of cheering Ran oneesan up might be enough to make him agree but clearly not. It was annoying though, because Conan kun was the only one of them who’d actually met Shinichi oniisan, or knew any of their target’s habits. Still, if she had learned one thing it was that the best way to get Conan kun to participate in things was to drag him along until he gave up and had fun anyway.

They started in the morning, bright and early. Conan kun didn’t look too cheerful at being woken up but he’d be fine in a bit. He grumbled for a while before leading them to Shinichi oniisan’s house, which was actually next door to Agasa Hakase’s house so they were able to stop for snacks. That made Genta kun very happy.

Then Mitsuhiko kun found a letter on the doormat, actually there were a bunch of letters, but most of them were boring and looked like bills. The one Mitsuhiko kun found was different. Genta kun grabbed it and opened it before any of them could stop him, which was very rude but meant they were able to work out that the letter was from someone called Kuroba Chikage. They had to leave not long after that though, because Mitsuhiko kun had a doctor’s appointment and it wouldn’t be fair to leave him out.

They met up again at lunch and decided to try and find this Kuroba Chikage person and ask them some questions. The return address on the envelope said they lived in Edoka, which was kind of far, but real detectives had to be willing to go any distance to find the truth, so off they went. Conan kun tried to argue, but it was best not to listen to him when he was in that sort of mood, he’d cheer up once the mystery got interesting.

By the time they reached Edoka it was late afternoon, and Ayumi was starting to think it might have been a good idea to ask an adult to go with them, it might be dark by the time they got home. But still, they were there, and it would be a waste to turn back after coming so far.

They had just found the right street, when Ayumi spotted a teenaged boy who looked a lot like an older version of Conan kun, and looked almost _exactly_ like the photograph of Shinichi oniisan they’d borrowed from his house. She couldn’t believe it had been that easy, they’d _found_ him.

…

They hadn’t found him. Luckily Kuroba Kaito, Kaito niichan as he’d insisted on being called, had been very understanding about the mistaken identity. He’d even invited them in for hot chocolate and showed them some magic tricks while they waited for Agasa Hakase to pick them up. Apparently his mother was an old friend of Shinichi niichan’s mother, and he and Shinichi just happened to look a lot alike. Convincing Genta kun had taken a while, but Conan agreed that he was a different person, and Conan was the only one of them who _actually_ knew Shinichi niichan so she supposed they should trust his judgement.

It was just as they were leaving that she noticed something odd though. Kaito niichan had pulled Conan kun aside and was whispering something to him, too quiet to make out. Conan kun didn’t mention it when he came out to the car, but he was quiet and serious, even more so than usual, for the whole trip back. She wondered what Kaito niichan had told him. Maybe it was about Shinichi oniisan, although, if that was true why wouldn’t Conan kun say anything. She supposed it must be a secret and she found herself wondering if there was more than one reason Conan kun hadn’t wanted them all to go looking for Shinichi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small children are hard to write. But kind of fun too. And yes, they went looking for Shinichi and found Kid. Kaito is unsurprisingly good with children. They're all in a lot of trouble for going to Edoka unsupervised.


	13. Sonoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alien blob things are actually very cute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sonoko takes Ran for a scan and there is a great deal of fluff.

The grey blob Sonoko could see on the screen was the most fragile, precious, perfect thing she had ever seen, and Ran’s smile was like sunlight as they looked at it. It was almost enough to make Sonoko forgive Shinichi just a little for his utter idiocy, and inconsiderate behaviour. Only a little bit though because really, he should be here with them, looking at the screen and the new life he and Ran had created, and Sonoko could tell Ran felt his absence.

It was amazing though. She was going to be a _godmother,_ she may have squealed a bit. Ran had giggled at her excitement, but the spark in her eyes when she looked over at the screen proved that she was just as excited as Sonoko.

“It’s so _cute.”_ Sonoko couldn’t help but coo. “I mean it kind of looks like an alien blob right now, but it’s a _cute_ alien blob. The cutest. Well at least until I have my own, because they will obviously be the cutest blobs ever to exist ever. But for now yours is the cutest.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Ran murmured. “Do you think they’ll look like Shinichi, when they, you know, actually look more like people.”

“I really hope not.” Sonoko shuddered at the thought. “One creepy mini Shinichi is more than enough to be dealing with. A cute and sensible mini Ran would be far better.” Ran gave her a look.

“Conan isn’t creepy Sonoko. He just has an enquiring mind.” And again, Ran demonstrated her lamentable blind spot when it came to all things Shinichi related. Conan was _definitely_ creepy. The kid spent half his time poking around murder scenes, and the other half reading Sherlock Holmes novels, unabridged, sometimes in the original language. Sonoko caught him with Ran’s homework assignments once. She was pretty sure if he’d handed it in he’d have got a better score than _she_ did. It wasn’t natural for a six year old to be that smart. And then there was the way his personality veered wildly from disturbing little kid act, to miniature adult depending on how closely he thought people were watching him. Maybe he was possessed.

Possession might explain the constant, randomly appearing dead bodies too, although Shinichi had the same problem to a lesser extent so maybe not. In any case Conan was creepy, and Sonoko wasn’t the only one that thought it. Not that there was any point trying to convince Ran of that, she could be very stubborn when she wanted to be. Sonoko just hoped the new baby would be less, morbidly inclined. Maybe they should try and get Conan an exorcism, without Ran knowing of course.

“You know what. I think this calls for ice cream.” Sonoko declared, deciding that the topic of Conan could be left for another day. Now was a time for celebration. The baby was apparently a healthy little blob, and Ran was doing just fine. It was good news all around, except for the whole Shinichi issue, which they were not going to be addressing today, because it would ruin the moment. Today was a _good_ day and they were going to appreciate it properly.

…

They sat peacefully with their ice-creams and Sonoko basked in the complete absence of brutally murdered dead bodies. Conan it seemed was definitely the common factor in the random murder incidences, although she wouldn’t be surprised if one of those two from Osaka had a similar effect, because it was definitely worse with them around.  Maybe it was a detective thing?

“So have you thought about the names any more.” She asked, curious.

“Well, sort of. I have a list, like you suggested. It’s just that every time I go through the name book I find more names I like, and the list is getting… a bit unmanageable. I’m not sure what to do about it.” Ran said, with a slightly panicked edge to her voice. Sonoko would have laughed if Ran hadn’t seemed so stressed by the whole thing.

“Breathe Ran. It’s not that bad.” Sonoko said in a soothing tone. “Now, do you need some help narrowing them down?”

“Could you.” Ran looked pathetically grateful for the offer, and Sonoko felt a warm fuzzy feeling at the opportunity to be a good friend. Even if it did mean a future spending hours filtering through all the baby name book. After all if she didn’t help, then Ran might just give up and let Shinichi name the poor kid, and that was a fate to be avoided at all costs. There was a reason Shinichi wasn’t allowed to name anything ever.

“What else are friends for?” Was all she said out loud though. They weren’t talking about Shinichi today after all. The elephant could hover around the room all it liked, they were _not_ going to acknowledge it. They were going to relax, and eat ice-cream, and maybe go shopping later, and have a _nice_ day out for once.

…

Of course the day ended in Conan related disaster. Seriously, it was impossible to leave that kid alone for one afternoon without him ending up in trouble. He was bad enough when supervised, unsupervised he’d once managed to get himself and his friends locked in a library at night with a murderer intent on killing them Sonoko was pretty sure she’d seen a horror film with that premise once. So of course, leaving him to his own devices while she took Ran for her scan ha ended badly.

Sonoko wasn’t sure _how_ let alone _why_ he and his little friends had got all the way to Edoka on their own, and she wasn’t sure she _wanted_ to know, but however it had happened, the upshot was that Ran had to go and pick him up from some random stranger’s house, thankfully there was at least no murderer this time, but the sheer lack of self preservation was astonishing. Had none of those kids ever heard of stranger danger.

From the moment Ran had picked up the phone, Sonoko could practically see her blood pressure rising. She really would have to have a word with that kid at some point, all this stress wasn’t good for Ran, especially considering her condition, and if the brat was creepily mature enough to trespass on crime scenes, he was mature enough to be thinking about how his actions might impact Ran. It was the sort of thing that couldn’t be learned too young. If Shinichi had learned it earlier maybe Ran wouldn’t be dealing with all this on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sonoko is rapidly becoming one of my favourite characters to write in this story.   
> I wrote this chapter mostly because I felt this fic needed more fluff.


	14. Ai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's only after Ai had started to get attached to Kudo that she realises she's robbed a child of a parent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Ai arrives, and finds out some truths that make her feel even worse than she already did.

There was a world of shadows in Kudo’s eyes. Ai could see them clearest when he looked at Mouri san, in those moments when he knew for sure she wasn’t looking back. Shadows made of guilt, and love, and longing so sharp it could cut to the bone. Shadows that were in no small part Ai’s fault.

She wasn’t kind to him. She should have been, she owed him that much and far more. But Ai… no Shiho, had destroyed his world and the way he looked at Mouri san made the guilt of it all _bite,_ and she couldn’t help but lash out. The guilt made her lash out and the fear didn’t help, meant that she couldn’t help but push and push just to see if he’d break. He had to be strong enough to survive this, he had to, and she had to prove that to herself and to him, because if he broke then the guilt would be enough to break her with him.

Petty selfish reasons, but the upshot was she was less than kind when she first met him. She regretted that more than a little. It didn’t last of course. There’s only so long petty viciousness can stand when it’s not truly _meant,_ and soon enough vicious sniping and mind games gave way to sharp edged banter that couldn’t help but be comforting. After all, there were so _few_ people that spoke to either of them like adults anymore. A part of her couldn’t help but regret that almost as much. Because somewhere between the banter and the respect, almost against her will, she’d found herself liking Kudo. That hadn’t been part of the plan, finding herself caring even when she _knew_ caring was the worst kind of weakness.

She couldn’t help but start caring, about Agasa, about the kids, about Kudo, caring in ways that she’d almost forgotten she was capable of. She’d started to care, had relaxed some of the barriers around her heart, and so of course, it was _then_ that she’d been brutally reminded of the full weight of what she’d done. The world was cruel that way.

Kudo was going to be a father. The knowledge hit her like a kick to the chest, and she couldn’t help but be reminded of that black day when she’d been told her sister was dead, that she was alone. That she’d have to keep bloodying her hands until the day she died, and the guilt and grief and _hate_ had nearly been enough to drown her. The day when she’d realised that there was no way out, no way but one, and she’d tried so hard to think of any particularly compelling reasons _not_ to die and come up blank. The guilt had risen up to drown her that day, and the twist in her chest when she thought about the way she’d shattered Kudo’s family was a reminder that it might do so again.  

There weren’t many signs of the baby to be. Too early for it to be showing, and it seemed Mouri san had easy pregnancies, no morning sickness or unpleasant illnesses. But it was there to see if you knew what you were looking for. There were baby clothes folded at the back of Ran san’s drawers, and baby books under plain covers on her shelves. She’d quit karate and started craving kiwis, and Kudo kun looked as pale as a ghost when he saw families with pushchairs walking by. It didn’t take a great detective to understand.

Hell it even looked like Kogoro san had managed to figure it out, judging by his mutterings, and he was hardly the most observant parent in the world.

Ran san was pregnant. Shiho had destroyed Kudo’s world, and with it Mouri’s world, and the world of a child not even born yet, because worlds weren’t just one person, and lives were always impossibly intertwined with other lives, and it was impossible to measure the damage  destroying one person could do. And so she thought about Kudo and his unborn child who would never know him as himself, and about Mouri, alone and wondering, always wondering, where her child’s father was. She thought about that, and about the fact that even if by some unthinkable miracle she could fix Kudo, bring him home to his family, there were eleven other worlds she’d destroyed with her poison, and they could never be fixed.

But it was far too late to take the easy way out. She _owed_ Kudo, _owed_ him her best attempts to fix what she could, and no matter how black the day was she didn’t have the right to take her own life.

She’d tried once and been granted an almost impossible second chance instead, a chance to try and atone, a chance to _live_ her life, and Shiho was enough of a scientist that the thought of discarding that opportunity felt unbearably shamefully wasteful. And besides that… she wanted to live. She’d started caring again and in doing so had found there were things she _wanted,_ people she wanted to share them with. She’d found something to hold onto and she wasn’t ready to let go yet.

It was hard though, facing Kudo without flinching. Knowing what she’d stolen from him. It was hard but necessary, because as much as she needed to know he wouldn’t break, he needed to know that she wouldn’t. He needed that certainty, that he wasn’t fighting alone, that there was someone _he_ could lean on.

Her guilt and grief were well earned, but they served no good purpose, would be a distraction none of them could afford, and there were already far too many of those in play. So she didn’t flinch, and she didn’t let him see her cry, and she kept pushing pushing pushing, reminding him of the stakes when she feared he might waver. After all, he had more than enough reasons to break, and if he did that would be enough to bring everything crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ai is not in a good place. But then canon Shiho did try to kill herself, and it was only by the most unexpected of chances that she didn't succeed. Don't worry she's not going to try again, if only because she doesn't want to leave Shinichi to deal the the org alone. Not a healthy reason, but they can work on that.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, Shinichi and Ran had been dating for a few months, they got careless, Ran got pregnant. They didn't plan for it, but it wouldn't have been a total disaster, except that the whole Conan thing went down and now Shinichi is an absent father who in theory doesn't even know about the baby. Shinichi as Conan is not finding it easy to deal with the situation.  
> The plan is to do a chapter from various people's POV. Sonoko is up next.


End file.
